Category: Uncategorized

Perfectionist.  Some see this as a great quality while I see this as a huge weakness.  It can be great in the sense you work hard to get things done right, you try to follow rules etc.  However when it comes to your personal well being it really takes a toll.  It leaves you constantly trying to reach unattainable expectations while beating yourself up when you can’t reach that perfection.  It results in you being a control freak and spiraling out of control when things occur that you can’t control.  It means working hard and helping other people with tasks, while simultaneously making yourself overwhelmed and anxious with all the work you have to do and give 100%.

Let me tell you it is hard.  Especially when that perfection comes into your personal life, jobs, relationships etc.  You work so hard to get a job you want and someone else gets it.  So you start to feel like you are second best.  You start talking to someone just for them to choose someone else, second best.  You overextend yourself in a friendship just to see them value another friendship more, second best.  It’s this constant battle of trying to become first choice for something, even if you get chosen for that job etc you focus on the failures, the “second best” scenarios because your perfectionism causes you to fixate on the bad instead of the good.  It is a constant head battle of am I good enough, why am I not good enough and when will my hard work and determination pay off.  Perfectionism also results in being optimistic for EVERYONE but yourself because it’s okay for others to fail, be heart broken or not get the job they wanted but not you.  You have this constant internal narrative of needing to achieve this unachievable thing.

This has been weighing heavy on me lately or maybe my whole life.  The minute something goes wrong and I didn’t achieve that “perfect” image I instantly start telling myself I’m second best, a failure or just simply not good enough.  Let me tell you it is EXHAUSTING and I honestly don’t know how to change it.  I’ve tried to not worry about perfectionism or the need to be a control freak but nothing seems to “fix” it.  Dating is a nightmare for someone like me because I can’t control if someone has feelings for me or not, or the moment they will decide to jump ship or the moment they decide it’s worth staying.  It’s a constant internal roller coaster and quite frankly it’s just not worth it.  It causes me to blame EVERYTHING on me because my lack of being perfect surely is the reason it didn’t work out every single time.  Like I will always be someone’s second choice, I’m good enough until something better comes along.

How do you overcome one of your biggest “toxic traits”?  Honestly I don’t know, what I do know though is that being aware of these things is the first step to working through it and finding a way for that trait to once again be healthy.  Hoping that one day you will look back and realize why you weren’t “good enough” for those jobs, friendships or relationships because of what God has in store.  Maybe these things are God saying “you are too good” not that I’m “not good enough” or “second best”.  Finding this balance is so hard, but it starts with being aware of it and trying to fix your mentality to focus on the things you have achieved and can excel at.  Realizing perfection isn’t attainable but working hard and trying to do your best at everything you do IS attainable and is much better than perfection. 

If you know me you know I LOVE Lilly Pulitzer.  The bright colors, the fun patterns and the quality of their clothes is what keeps me coming back.  Everywhere I go I get so many compliments when I am wearing Lilly Pulitzer.  Due to being unique and high quality Lilly Pulitzer is a little on the higher end of everyday wear.  So what is my secret?  The Lilly Pulitzer after party of course!  This sale happens twice a year and this is when my time to stock up on my most wanted items.  The first time I shopped the sale I had no idea what to expect so I am here to help you better shop the sale.  

First thing is first, if you are reading this post before the sale starts on Jan, 4th (sorry I know I’m writing this a little late) then go ahead and create an account, save your address card info etc.  This makes check out go much faster and helps decrease the chance of the item selling out before you can purchase it.  Secondly, keep in mind that these items are final sale.  So if you’ve never worn Lilly Pulitzer do some research on the size chart before shopping.  I typically wear a 4/6 in most brands so when shopping the sale I typically order a 6 or a small.  Sometimes the 6 is a little big but it’s never so big that it looks bad when I put it on.  So if you are like me and typically are between two sizes I would size up to be safe.

Third of all shopping strategy is KEY when shopping this sale.  The first step is you will be put into a virtual line.  Get up early and pull up the webpage (I recommend your computer but any device will work) and keep it open.  DO NOT NAVIGATE AWAY OR REFRESH or you will lose your spot in line.  If you have browsed the website from my past liketoknowit posts you may have spotted something you fell in love with on the site.  This is the time to buy those items because they will be super discounted.  If a specific item is what you are looking for add it to your cart and check out right away.  Once you check out you will be placed back in the virtual line and that is when you should browse for other items you may like.  If you are like me, I typically just browse for my favorite styles of dresses, shorts and anything with a pattern that includes elephants or dogs.  If that is more your style I recommend adding everything into your cart you think you may want and doing process of elimination at check out.  Chances are a lot of those items will sell out while you are browsing so if you only add two they may be sold out by the time you get to check out.  Once I see them all in my cart I can also more easily choose what is standing out to me most, and see my total as I delete out items.

The giftables and home decor sold out super fast last APS.  Usually I have no issues buying those things and love to stock up on those items during the sale.  I’m not sure what it will be like this time around but if giftables and home decor are your target get in line early.  I try to wake up about an hour before and I’ve pulled it up on my phone and ipad both to see which one I get access to first (although as I mentioned above, I prefer my computer).

If you have any questions let me know, and if you feel compelled please follow me on the LTK link here or shop my direct link

Hope this helps you Lilly Shoppers and Happy Shopping!!

I’ve been reflecting on the crazy year that is 2020.  In some ways it feels like we’ve fit 5 years into this one year and in other ways I can’t believe it is already coming to a close.  I’ve been reflecting a lot these last few days, like I’m sure many of you have.  It’s a lot to process and I could sit here and mention all the bad that happened but I think we’ve put enough focus on the negatives that have happened.  If we want an honesty hour, reflecting on the year coming to a close is hard for me any year.  I honestly hate New Years eve and I have always had a hard time looking at it with a glass half full type mentality.  As someone who is very critical of herself and a perfectionist I really battle with my reflections resulting in beating myself up.  I think about how it’s another year I didn’t accomplish this, or another year I didn’t attain that goal, or buy that house, or open myself up to dating, another year I didn’t try everything I said I wanted to and the list goes on.  Not to mention the whole reality that a new year means another year older and I start to get anxious over how fast life slips away from us.  I know that’s kind of heavy and I’m probably the only person that sees New Years in a negative way but it’s been like that as long as I can remember.  I always find something to do to keep busy and keep my mind off of those things so I can attempt to stop it from happening when the clock strikes midnight.

This year I have had to try extra hard to find the positives, especially with things that have recently unraveled.

I wouldn’t say I set “resolutions” so to speak but I do try to put some goals into place.  Despite my travel goals and other things I had planned this year having to be cancelled I realized I was still able to achieve a few goals and learned a few lessons along the way.  I learned a new hobby, I tried something new, I blogged more (here and instagram), I learned more about my anxiety, triggers and warning signs to look for, I started a new job and I got a promotion at Vineyard Vines which I love so dearly.  I grew closer to friends and even managed to make a few new ones along the way.  I’ve been able to let a few walls down and I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching, I’ve been humbled and I’ve learned that as much as I think I can do it all alone, clinging to your friends and family when times are hard really is the key to getting through.  Despite all those things, the biggest accomplishment I achieved this year was literally surviving.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly, I survived and I conquered the year by doing so.

Last year I wrote 2020 Vision(s) about how it’s okay to not feel excited for a “fresh start” or feeling like you didn’t accomplish a long list like your friends who posted theirs on instagram.  I’m reminding you that no matter if it’s 2020 or 6 years down the road, it is okay if your only accomplishment for the year is that you survived because that is the most important achievement.  I’m not sure how I feel going into 2021, I’ll probably be ringing in the new year alone and may not even stay up until midnight.  I don’t know if I’ll decide to buy a house or take a risk or stay exactly where I am.  What I do know is by not putting expectations on this next year I feel a sense of peace.  There’s no pressure on myself to suddenly become this perfect person in 365 days or feel I have to achieve certain things to be on track for “my age”.  Instead I’m promising myself to not lose sight of the beauty of slowing down like I was forced to in 2020.  To take an opportunity when I have one but not stress and try to force one.  

2020 brought me a lot of closure in areas I thought I had already experienced closure.  Living alone and being in quarantine for months at a time really forces you to dig deep into your soul.  I’ve learned what it truly means to let go of past hurts and how to move past that in new situations.  I’ve learned that sometimes I do deserve the things I want and I don’t need to self sabotage everything to convince myself I don’t deserve it.  2020 also taught me that sometimes we do have to be selfish and put ourselves first.  If we always put others happiness, emotions and needs above our own we ourselves will never experience happiness or the things we truly want, not to mention it’s incredibly exhausting.

So for 2021 I hope we all find peace, discover more about who we are as a person and just take it day by day.  May we always remember 2020 and what it taught us, what it showed us, and how we can do better because of this year.  I have no idea what is in store for 2021 but it’s nice to not stress about it for once and just be at peace.  It’s nice to feel hopeful and not dreading that another year of my life is gone (which is a huge accomplishment since I’ll be turning 30).  Keep your head up and remember, we survived.

If we are friends on facebook you may have recently seen my screenshot of Nev from Catfish favoriting my tweet and me joking about how I’m going to be the next co-host of catfish.  So many people I know think it is a ridiculous show but I don’t even care, I’m obsessed.  The internet can be a scary place and I think it brings awareness to how quickly we let our guards down when it comes to online interactions.  Especially with apps like tinder, bumble, etc that make talking and meeting strangers from the internet so normal.  Now let me stop myself before I get too far off subject because the point of this post isn’t to give you a lecture about online safety. 

If you know me you also know I have danced or been involved in the arts in some capacity the majority of my life, even studying dance in college.  With that being said, I haven’t watched dancing with the stars in several years.  As a dancer I LOVE that it shines light on the arts and gives so many people the opportunity to learn the art of dance, I often battled with how it makes it “competitive” and how it almost loses sight of the art form itself.  Now ballroom is typically a competitive dance but coming from a heavy dance technique background (and even taking ballroom some) I just had a hard time watching it.

So fast forward to this year and the mess that is 2020 I saw that Nev (and a ton of other celebs I love like AJ McClean from BSB) were going to be on this season.  Since 2020 has been absolutely insane I decided to give the show another shot and I am so glad I did!  Surprisingly enough I’ve taken a lot away from it, much more than I ever thought I could take away from DWTS.

The first episode watching Nev you could tell he had just a genuine joy in dancing and seemed like a natural.  Not knowing much about his background, his natural ability really surprised me because I just knew him as the guy who filmed a documentary and made a successful MTV show as a result of it.  A couple weeks later they were doing more in depth interviews and Nev started to talk about how he was one of the first kids that was fully diagnosed with ADHD and how the medical field was still trying to navigate what that meant and what that would entail for individuals diagnosed.  He discussed how he felt like he didn’t fit in and really struggled with thinking he could be successful at anything because his ADHD was so difficult to navigate and understand.  It’s not like he wasn’t trying, he just couldn’t control his actions etc.  When he was young he said that his school started offering an after school program with dance classes and signed up.  Nev said that once he started taking those dance classes he finally found a place where he belonged, a place he could succeed and basically a place he was just viewed as a child, not as an ADHD child.  He continued to discuss what dance meant to him and how those dance classes changed his life forever and set him up for where he is today.

Later in the season he did a Pasadoble to swan lake, specifically inspired by the movie Black Swan.  If you haven’t seen it, please do yourself a favor and go to youtube because it honestly took my breath away.  Not only was it technically exquisite but it combined, latin and classical ballet into one incredibly beautiful performance.  During the “villains” week when this was performed, Nev talked about how he and his dad love going to Broadway shows and ballets together.  His dad discussed his support of the arts and the importance of supporting the fine arts.  Nev talked about how many shows he and his dad have been to together and that it’s their favorite way to bond.  He also dedicated the dance to the NYC ballet and all the professional dancers who have been so drastically affected by Covid19.

As someone who still plans to pursue dance therapy one day, this has all really stuck with me.  I mean here is someone who is using their platform to show just how important the arts are.  How the arts provide a place to help him overcome his medical diagnosis, find a place of belonging and gave him a purpose to keep going, to keep pursuing those dreams.  These are all reasons that I myself continued to dance and explore what the arts have to offer.  The same reasons I found dance therapy and hope to accomplish that dream one day.

I think with the arts not being a priority in our society it has started focusing more on who can do the best tricks, illusions, etc.  In that process the community of dance and other fine arts have forgotten that the arts are for everyone.  The arts serve a purpose to help people find their belonging, help them work through things like ADHD or depression, overcome PTSD, and even just as a hobby that makes us happy.  Regardless if it’s dance, painting, music or poetry we must continue to focus on the deeper purpose these things have in someone’s life.  It is not about who is the greatest, who can do the best tricks, or who can go to the best studio.  Nev’s story this season has really shown light on what the arts mean to many of us and I could not thank him enough for being unapologetically himself this season.  I have so much more respect for him and the way he uses his fame.

Please, support the arts no matter what it is.  If it’s a local performance of the nutcracker, a wine and canvas night or local musicians playing a show.  Show your support and show the importance of the arts, they are much too valuable for us to lose.

Good luck to Nev as he enters the finale of the show next week, he truly deserves to win and I hope that he continues to share his love of dance with the world once his season comes to an end.  He is an incredible dancer and I hope to see more of his dancing skills in the future.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and there are many reasons for that.  I have many blog posts lined up and I’m even working on a local business spotlight series but unfortunately a lot has gotten in my way.  This blog post is incredibly difficult and person so I just ask if you continue to read to please read with grace and a little understanding.

I think we can all agree 2020 has been incredibly difficult for all of us.  We are all trying to navigate this crazy pandemic and how we can feel a sense of normalcy in these uncharted waters.  If there’s one thing that I feel hasn’t been talked about enough during all of this it’s mental health.  Mental health as a whole has taken a big downward spiral.  We are trapped inside, have to worry about a virus while we are out, have to cover our faces and can’t really hug or shake hands.  We can’t even go to a restaurant without worrying if we have a mask in hand.  Now I’m not here to give an argument about masks or any other political “issues” that are surrounding COVID19.  What I do want to bring up is the lack of support for those struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health “issues”.

For me personally, I’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time while simultaneously being in denial about it.  I can find just about any excuse for my feelings or behavior besides accepting the root of the issue, anxiety.  Anxiety is a crazy thing because for some they have (knowingly) struggled with it their whole lives or for others like me it’s slowly crept in and started to take over.  I constantly downplay it because I don’t want something to be “wrong with me” or be viewed with some type of stigma (it’s 2020 and we still have a negative stigma around mental health, honestly mind blowing).  So I continue to live with it, silently (for the most part) dealing with it and pretending like everything’s okay 24/7. 

I tell myself I’m going to get some professional help for it and then every time I talk myself out of it.  I tell myself I don’t really have it and it’s in my head, or that when my anxiety is high I’m just overreacting or being a drama queen, or even make myself feel guilty for how I’m feeling because I’ve convinced myself I’m just “faking it”.  Sometimes it’s been trying to talk to friends about it and them not believing me because “you’re too happy/fun to have anxiety” or “people with anxiety aren’t bubbly like you”.  As if I have to literally hide away in my house with the curtains closed to actually experience it.  When your friends don’t believe you or take it seriously and you constantly have that negative internal dialogue how could you possibly get the courage to talk to a real professional and expect them to take you seriously?

My friends give me a hard time because I like to “always go to the same places”, but what they don’t know is that I like to go to those same places because it’s routine, it’s comfortable and I can actually be at ease and enjoy our time together.  Going to new places that are crowded just increases my anxiety, especially if I know it’s going to be a large chunk of time that I’ll be “stuck” there when my anxiety arises.  Even standing in line waiting to get in at a concert now is almost more than I can take and I’ve officially reached the point in my life where I just want to pay for reserved tickets instead of wait in a long, loud, crowded space.

I can’t say I always bury my anxiety in the best way.  I tend to drive my car for a night out so when it gets bad I can just make up an excuse and quickly leave, I make myself fall asleep to eliminate an anxiety attack (essentially force myself to just completely shut down), I get really agitated and start to freak out over everything to stay busy and “stop” myself from breaking down, and I’ll isolate myself from everything if nothing else works.  I always know when an attack is coming, my body goes numb, my breaths get short and I start to get this indescribable sensation throughout my body.  It’s like I’m scared of what’s about to come and I’m trying to get out of my own skin.  My attacks usually end with me screaming and sobbing laying on the floor, gasping for air until finally it ends and I’m laying there in my stillness with Denny beside me.  She never leaves my side and can sense the moment my anxiety starts to hit and instantly rushes to my rescue.

I’m not saying this for sympathy or for people to feel sorry for me.  I also hope it doesn’t change the way you look at me (although that is out of my control and frankly I cannot waste time worrying about it).  What I do hope is that you will stop and take time in this crazy year that is 2020 to genuinely check on your friends and their mental health.  If they are acting a certain way or showing weird “behaviors” please stop to try to truly understand what’s going on.  When someone tells you they are struggling with something, don’t down play it.  Truly stop to listen and find out ways you can look for those warning signs of their anxiety so you can better assist them in certain situations.  This isn’t just for anxiety, this goes for depression and other mental health issues.

I’m very blessed to have a nurse in my family very knowledgeable in the mental health field.  I’ve shared with her some of these things and she’s always given me a safe space to talk about it.  I know not everyone has such a blessing so please if you are struggling, especially this year reach out to someone.  She’s been helping me with “alternative” methods as well as talking to someone about other options for my anxiety.

I hope and pray that the remainder of 2020 can turn around for all of us.  I hope we can come together and finish what can only be described as the year from hell, in a much stronger, more positive way.  Please remember that you are not in this life alone, you are loved, you are valued and you are important to so many.

Hey Y’all!

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything on my blog.  With everything going on in 2020 and some personal things in my own life I was experiencing some serious writers block.  I was having a hard time sorting out everything going on personally so how could I possibly write about it?  2020 has been a lot for everyone to handle and I don’t think any of us could have possibly expected what would occur in the 7 months we’ve experienced so far.  Some positives of 2020 have included prioritizing time with friends and family, finding new hobbies (like gardening or for me learning how to sew) and realizing the importance of these things and how we have really let them slip away up to this point.  

This post isn’t meant to be serious and I’m going to stop myself from continuing on that trail before I get carried away.  What I do want to do is update everyone on the few life updates that have occurred since the world shut down.  After feeling gross about myself for watching so much netflix during quarantine I decided I needed to take matters into my own hands.

First off, as I mentioned before I have learned a new hobby.  I started teaching myself some basic sewing skills and have been practicing making dog bandanas.  Once my hours were non-existent (and still drastically decreased) at Vineyard Vines I had no idea what to do with all my extra time and really wanted to learn something new.  Since my options were limited with the world being shut down I decided sewing would be a great start.  I am no professional and continue to improve my skills everyday but it’s been a fun journey and I am excited to improve my skills with dog bandanas as well as eventually develop enough skills to sew other things.  With that being said, I’m super excited to announce that I will be making and selling dog bandanas.  I absolutely love my golden retriever (and every dog I ever meet) so I wanted to do something to incorporate my love for dogs into my life a little more.  My facebook page isn’t complete yet (it’s getting there) but I would appreciate you giving it a “like” while I finish it up.  You can find it here. It should offically be up and running with buying options by the end of the month.

The next exciting update is that I was officially approved to be a content contributor on LiketoKnowit.  If you don’t know what that is, it is an app that allows people to directly shop your looks and then the person posting (me) makes a small commission off of said purchases.  I’ve always loved linking brands and etc on my instagram and I’ve always shared with my friends where I purchase my closet, so this will just be an added bonus!  This also has the potential to help me grow in my blogging journey so I am super excited for that.  If you would like to support me on this please do one (or all three) of the following.  Follow me on my instagram , download the LTKit app and follow me here and if instagram/phone apps aren’t your thing you can like my LTK facebook page.

Although these may not be huge updates or a lot of life updates I think we can all agree we have to celebrate each victory we can this year.  I’m excited to see where this takes me and how I can grow personally from pursuing these things.  I hope you will support me in these new adventures.  Please let me know if you have any questions about the Like to know it app, I’d be happy to help answer in anyway I can!

As far as my blog goes, I am hoping to get back on track with sharing my life with you. I am hoping to broaden my horizons on what I write about while still being real with my struggles etc. I am excited to start sharing fitness tips, recipes and a “support local” series. Stay tuned for new things ahead. If you would like feel free to subscribe so you don’t miss anything! Thank you all in advance for your love and support.

Good Friday is the official kick off for Easter weekend. I think it’s a day that so often gets overlooked, which I am guilty of doing. This year however was a little different for me as I actually took time to stop and reflect on good Friday. I’m not sure if that is because of the pandemic going on, the reflection of the past year I’ve had or a combination of the two. Like all churches, my church had a live stream for our Good Friday service. Now I won’t lie, I lost track of time and was in the middle of cooking dinner and watching KUWTK when my sweet friend texted me asking if I was watching the live stream and wow I am so glad she did.

There are a couple things I took away from the sermon that I really feel like I should care but I’m going to just focus on one part of the sermon for now. I first thing I would like to point out before diving in is that the sermon/Easter story was illustrated by a children’s Easter book. Personally I love this approach because it takes all the noise out of the story and gives an opportunity to just focus on the heart of the story.

One of the stories leading up to the crucifixion talks about how Jesus and the disciples were in the garden before Jesus was betrayed. Jesus had asked his disciples to stay awake/alert. The disciples ended up falling asleep while Jesus was gone praying and when he returned he woke up the disciples and basically called them out by saying something along the lines of them wasting the night away. Now I feel like a lot of people hear this and just kind of think okay they fell asleep on Jesus and missed their chance to spend time with him and move on to the rest of the story. However, for me I always feel a little more convicted for a few reasons surrounding sleep (both literally and spiritually).

First of all it’s a no brainer the disciples were literally snoozing. Now if you actually know me, you know I LOVE to sleep. Stressed? Sleep. Relax? Sleep. Self-care? Sleep. Home from shopping all day? Sleep. So when I read this passage it really stops me because I know I would be right there with my pals Peter and Mark snoozing the night away. I probably would tell a lie to myself that it’s just a quick power nap before Jesus gets back from praying but I know it wouldn’t end up that way. I can see a glimpse of how the disciples must have felt because I can so easily insert myself into that picture.

Although it isn’t as intense as sleeping away the last night Jesus had on earth, I can easily see where I’ve slept through times I should have been there for people. For example, sleeping when I said I would pray for a friend during a certain time. Feeling like God really wants me at church that day but hitting snooze instead or instead of praying about a situation choosing to take a nap so it will “go away”. I really feel like so many people hear this story and can’t imagine falling asleep on Jesus. What people need to remember is these disciples were around Jesus 24/7. These men knew he was the Son of God and all of that but they were also human, meaning they took their situation for granted many times. They didn’t know what was going to happen so they probably didn’t see the big deal in taking a little snooze, just like I tell myself so often.

Next I was reflecting on the idea of being spiritually asleep. This part of the story talks about the disciples being physically asleep but this can easily be transformed into a metaphor about our spiritual lives. The story forces me to look at my own life and how often I’ve “slept through” God trying to use me or speak to me. Like those times I’ve felt the urge to speak with someone but ignore it. The times I felt lead to participate in church or even share my thoughts in small group but don’t follow through. Spiritually sleeping can even look like not digging into God’s word or choosing one more episode on netflix instad of spending time in prayer.

I guess all of this is to say we aren’t too far off from those sleeping disciples. Jesus may not be here face to face with us but we often fall asleep on him. We become lazy either literally by sleeping through times we are called to pray or be a friend or began to just sleep through our spiritual journey preventing growth. Thankfully for us not long after this late night incident in the garden Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice to forgive us of our “sleepiness”.

That is where I am leaving this post for now, reflecting on the areas of life I’m sleeping through and how I can wake up to what God is asking me to do. Don’t be like the disciples and sleep away the night that you could be spending with Jesus. Instead, be awake and alert to what God is trying to say to you, how God is wanting to use you and mold you. Take time this weekend to reflect on the story, the crucifixion but also the stories leading up to that day.

Change. It’s one of the main things that make up the life we live, but why do we all react to it so differently? Growing up as a “pastors kid” I knew change all too well. Moving from church to church, state to state, reestablishing who I was in a new place, who I was with new friends and who I wanted to be as a result of those changes were just a constant in my life. Anticipating that season of change and what it would bring almost became a part time job for me.

Fast forward to tonight and I’m yet again watching Boy Meets World. It is STILL one of my favorite shows and the number one reason I signed up for Disney+, what can I say they took it off of Hulu. I watch it almost every night before I fall asleep and it still makes me laugh so hard I cry (plus I love a little nostalgia). Tonight I was watching one specific episode for the hundredth time and I realized this episode still makes me uncomfortable and I almost skip over it every single time.

In this particular episode Cory, Shawn, Topanga and Angela are wrapping up their high school years and all start opening up college acceptance letters together. When Shawn gets “wait listed” it spins Cory into an emotional whirlwind. A wrench has been thrown in their plan of all going to school together due to the unknown of Shawn getting wait listed. Later in the episode (due to Cory’s whit and determination) Shawn officially gets accepted into Pennbrook, but is caught with the decision of going to school or accepting a full time photography position. Shawn’s decision sends Cory into an even deeper emotional whirlwind as he continues doing everything in his power to control the situations and keep their lives from changing.

That is exactly why this episode makes me so uncomfortable, because I relate so much to that state Cory was in. Once I moved to Indiana I finally found a sense of security and comfort in the “lack of changes” but you know how it goes, once you get comfortable things start to change. One of the biggest changes after living in Indiana was around the months leading up to graduating from Anderson University. I remember realizing how much was going to change in that last year, my closest friends wouldn’t be living just a couple houses or streets away, my friends who I started school with would be graduating without me because I changed my major and had to stay an extra semester. I remember having a hard time realizing my living situation would drastically change, the roommate I had the last 4 years would no longer be living with me and there to do every step of life with me, and wrapping my mind around living with new friends. I remember the weeks leading up to my 25th birthday and having daily meltdowns because I knew that would be a milestone of change for me in so many ways. Cory did everything in his power to prevent his life from changing, even trying to sit forever at Chubbie’s that was changing as he sat there and trying to stop Mr.Feeney from retiring to Wyoming. However, Cory eventually had to acept that he could not control everything and despite what his plans were for him and his friends lives, he had to let go and trust the process. He didn’t like it and he didn’t have to like it but he knew what he had to do.

Going back to how I grew up, I thought it would help me understand the changing seasons of life, and be able to take them on full force. Much to my surprise, I do not take change well at all, I want to make a plan and control how that plan happens. When change does begin to present itself I tend to get really anxious over the situation. Which honestly is kind of a crazy thing because change happens all around us every single day in our life, but not all of that change is as noticeable or life altering. However, when those big moments of change happen we are met face to face with God and he is asking us to trust him and trust his process. God is asking us to trust that he is allowing these changes for good no matter how painful those changes he is making can be.

Towards the end of the episode as Cory is accepting change is necessary his friends and family are reminding him that what he is feeling is okay. They remind him to cheer on his friends despite their changes not fitting his plan and to appreciate the remaining moments they have in high school. So I guess all of this is to say, it is okay to feel like Cory during changes, wanting things to stay the same and feeling a whirlwind of emotions when they don’t. Just remember that during those changes God has something greater in store and to cling to him and trust him and his process during those changes. Don’t let the feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed over power what God is trying to do in your life. Don’t be so determined to keep life from changing that you miss out on the blessings and amazing doors that open as a result of change. Change doesn’t always mean bad, most of the time it actually means something good is in store. At the end of the episode Eric (of all people) makes a pretty profound statement. It really left me in my tracks and it is something I want to leave you with.

“There’s going to be a lot of changes in your life, Cory. It’s not the changes that matter, it’s how you react to the changes. I mean, that’s what makes you who you are.“